Practice Development Counsel

HOW TO DIFFUSE CONFLICT

Most conflict has an irrational genesis and does not respond to rational problem-solving techniques. Resolving workplace conflict rationally is not always possible or successful, notes psychotherapist Philip Chard, president and CEO of NEAS Inc, an employee assistance program (EAP) and work/life services firm in Brookfield, Wis.

Here are some of Chard's strategies for dealing with conflict.

Shun predictability. Focus on observable behaviors instead of thinking about how to psychoanalyze or intellectualize the situation. Everyone has a reactive style that they use with certain people. You must work to move beyond it to be effective. "When you become highly predictable, it's over," and any conflict resolution effort you make will probably not work effectively.

Interrupt the pattern. Almost all behavior is based on specific patterns, and conflict behavior has more patterns than most. By doing something completely unexpected by the other person. It works because it sends a powerful, unspoken message to a person with whom you experience difficult interactions: "You don't know what I am going to do next." The objective of pattern interruption is to engender respect. At the personal conflict level, lack of respect is what is eroding the relationship.

Tip: Make a list of your behavior patterns so you can recognize and interrupt them when conflict begins.

Behave your way to resolution. It's important to manage anxiety when you find yourself in conflict . People can defeat themselves in conflict situations by tightening up, losing their flexibility, behaviorally and physically. "Behave your way through it" by controlling stance and breathing.

Study the observable behavior of the person with whom you are in conflict. Practice pacing techniques by echoing a person's body language, facial expression, or vocal tone. The process helps to put people on the same wavelength without being conscious of why. Pacing is the top strategy to set the stage for conflict resolution. It sends a powerful subconscious message to the other person that says, "I understand you and I am with you." The result is the development of rapport between the parties. Rapport means, "I respect you:"

Use Mental Aikido. The principle behind mental Aikido is to not resist and not be a target.

When nothing works. Go to a posture of detached concern, "That means not running away from conflict, not avoiding it, not walking away from it, but not letting it run your life.

Source: Philip Chard, president and CEO of NEAS Inc., reported in IOMA Newswire, March 2003.

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