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It seems the more educated we are, the more we try to rely on rational argument and extrinsic motivation to convince people to change their attitudes and actions about such things as diversity, generational differences, client service and client acquisition, succession planning, and flexibility – just to name a few emotionally-charged issues in the workplace.

But the crux of the matter is emotional, behavioral, and sometimes instinctive. Yes, a good business case is definitely required for persuasion, but that’s only half the story.

Think of the organizations in which you felt most motivated to do your best. Most likely the leaders were not only smart and effective technicians, but were able to establish emotional connections with the people in their organizations – their internal clients – as well as with business clients.

It’s interesting that, for example, lawyers spend a great deal of money, time and effort on jury selection testing and testing of trial presentations, knowing that psychological factors are key. Yet they ignore the behavioral and emotional side in governing their internal affairs and supposedly client-focused practices. We see the same dichotomy in architecture, where architects have to deal with the emotional responses of the public to their designs and structures. In financial services, where professionals know that market behavior is driven by emotions, and also in other fields that are selling their knowledge and analytical abilities the same sort of disconnect still exists.

Students studying for advanced degrees tend to choose the number-crunching and factual courses over ones that teach soft skills, thinking that’s what business demands. Consequently, schools give them what the students think they need rather than responding to the needs of employers for excellent interpersonal skills and mission-driven, team-oriented individuals. While there is truth in the saying that “knowledge is power,” much crucial knowledge is not about knowing facts, but rather identifying and interpreting emotional needs and motivations. Some of the smartest people tend to neglect the emotional side of people they are trying to sell to or persuade – with less than productive and satisfying results.

Emotions and the chemistry they produce are a fundamental part of sales decisions, conflict resolution, consensus building, commitments, loyalty and retention. If we don’t identify people’s fears and emotional needs and address them in providing solutions, we will miss the mark and keep circling around the target.

Why is it that so many professionals fear showing emotion in business? To show the side of ourselves that makes us interesting to each other? That defines much of who we are and why we achieve? Many people would answer, “It’s a gender thing.” They’d say that the workplace has been dominated by the “male” values and definition of success (primarily in economic terms) and respects less the “female” side of each of us, male and female, exemplified by what they’d call “touchy feely” concerns.

I dislike using gender stereotypes, as many men have a stronger so-called “female-side” than some women do. Many male clients have conveyed to me over the years the frustration that "nobody talks about feelings around here.” As a society, talking about feelings has become more acceptable, even by men in high places and athletes –but it’s still resisted in business.

I hope that a younger generation of professionals and managers will have the courage to encourage and support a more complex package of desired behaviors that gives people permission to consider feelings as well as hard currency. Many of the strategies, techniques, and decisions made in the workplace are, indeed, based on emotions and understanding emotions. Still, typically, they are not spoken about in emotional terms and are played down in the definition of what makes for success. Don’t kill emotions in business!

Phyllis

© Phyllis Weiss Haserot, 2004. Modified 2017.

This article contains excerpts from the forthcoming book, “You Can’t Google it! – The Compelling Case for Cross-Generational Conversation” by Phyllis Weiss Haserot.

* The generational chronology for easy reference: Generations are defined by the similar formative influences – social, cultural, political, economic – that existed as the individuals of particular birth cohorts were growing up. Given that premise, the age breakdowns for each of the four generations currently in the workplace are approximately:

Learn about our *Generational Wisdom for Mentors and Mentees* programs as well as multi-generational team facilitation. Call 212-593-1549 or e-mail pwhaserot@pdcounsel.com.

For coaching, training and special programs on inter-generational challenges for and among 4 generations in the workplace and maximizing the potential of young professionals, call or email Phyllis for an exploratory talk or complimentary coaching session at 212-593-1549 or pwhaserot@pdcounsel.com

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